Well the last few weeks have been full of adventure and self awareness. It all kind of started over a month ago when I did something completely uncharacteristic of me now and reached out to meet a total stranger online, that’s how BB came into my life.
Let me go back and give you a little (very little) history on me. I am in my forties and up until this year was married for twenty years (although we’ve been separated about two years). We had five kids together. (This will all come out in another blog later I’m sure). When I was younger I was pretty outgoing shy at times but very social I loved being with my friends and making new friends. I married pretty young but even before that I never went to bars or clubs, it was not really my thing. So fast forward to a few years ago my wife tells me she’s done and asks me to move out. Now I am on my own again. This is every guys dream right? Wrong, I wanted my family back in the worst way. It took a good year for me to face the fact that I was not going to win my wife back then I went into a depression only I didn’t realize it till I was in a meeting at work and they were discussing the stages of grief and it hit me I luckily held it together that day for the half hour till I was done work and got in my car and cried the entire hour plus commute home (I was a sobbing mess). I have since then been slowly rebuilding me into the person I want to be.
One of the first things I noticed was I did not go out of my comfort zone period. I only hung out with the parents I knew at the school organizations my kids were in or friends I’ve had since grammar school. I did not meet new people at all when I tried there was a sense of uncontrollable anxiety that would make me give an excuse to whoever wanted to take me anywhere and stay home in my pajamas. So one of the first things I did was join a new church cause as my oldest daughter was telling at the time “YA NEED JESUS!”. This actually was a great thing because the church I chose has a part in between the singing and sermon where you get up and greet everyone you can. This forced me to meet people in a safe environment. So like that I’ve been pushing myself out there. But I’ve been going on about me and I teased this is about BB so let’s get to her shall we.
So fast forward to the beginning of December I was at my house tooling around the old Facebook and I got a notification in a group I belong to about a get together they were having in PA the message was from a beautiful woman asking if anyone was going to the get together. I was intrigued by her beauty and looked at her profile this intrigued me more then I saw she had a blog. So I hit the link and started to read her blog and I really started to really interest me in her. She was so brutally honest with herself, yet hysterically funny and all with the underlying thread of hope and optimism. I had to try and meet this woman. Not feeling the usual fear I decided to go for it, not wanting to look like a creep I decided to email her and tell her how much I liked her blog and what it meant to me. Step one complete! Well would you know I got a very nice response to my email from her to which I responded back (I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M DOING THIS). After a few traded emails she asked me to friend her on Facebook so I did and we started messaging quite often. The more I found out about her the more I thought she couldn’t be real. We clicked on everything movies, music you name it. The joke I said to her was she was too perfect “she was either a dude, or a serial killer!” She claimed to be neither. So by now it’s getting close to Christmas and I’m getting smitten, could I have a chance with this exquisite creature? I have got to meet her in person, we were trying to make plans but schedules got in the way. One day BB asks me “what do you think would be the best way to get to Boston on December 30th? I have a ticket to the Bosstones concert and want to go but don’t want to drive all that way by myself.” She also needs to fly out of Philadelphia airport the next afternoon. She’s REALLY BAD at logistics. So after consulting train schedules and the like I looked to see if there were tickets available. I got lucky and scored a cheap ticket, so told her I’d drive if she helped with gas and tolls. She agreed and the planning for our adventure began.
Now I LOVE logistics, I was a truck driver back in the day, and still love planning routes and such. Make sure the van is running good, grab snacks, make reservations for dinner before the show, I was a man possessed. While all these plans were getting done we were both really excited, I finished reading her blog and there were a few entries about a guy, a guy who lives in Boston that she fell hard for but had never met in person, now I know why she wants to go to this concert so bad. Now in my delusional brain she’s over Guy and will see how cool I am. How Foolish I can be.
So the day arrives and I’m excited like it was Christmas morning and I’m 12 years old. I drive the hour to her place and pick her up. She is just as beautiful in person, seriously I didn’t think it was possible but it was true. So we set out. Now I’ve never been to Boston and she just moved to the Northeast so we were both like kids going through NYC and into Connecticut and then Massachusetts the whole way talking music, playing each other songs from our phones, singing (she has an amazing voice) and laughing. Now I knew from text and now in person she is a relentless Ball Buster (hence her name BB), but in the playfully smart ass way I truly love. We were just clicking. I couldn’t have planned it better even with traffic and stops we got to the parking garage right at 6pm and our reservations at the Pub were at 6 so we walked in gave them my name and were seated immediately. Thinking to myself “I’m pretty impressive”. Dinner is when I first noticed her getting distracted slightly. We didn’t have seats near one another so we made arrangements to meet up after the show. I had to run to the van to grab my phone so she got in line. Got in the show by myself found a good spot to stand and was just waiting when I got a message from BB “this seat sucks!” I snap a pic of where I am and send it and she tells me to send a screenshot of my ticket so she can come to where I am, now I’m excited she’s coming to stand with me. A couple minutes later I see the little beauty coming and she stands with me. We start people watching and the first two bands come on and we critique them, what we like and what we don’t. All the while in between sets and during she’s texting and searching for Guy. After the second opening act and just before the Bosstones I hear the words that change everything “there he is!” Now I have been in this situation before in my younger years, the perfect Duckie moment (if you don’t know Duckie is a character in Pretty in Pink stop reading this page now, Goodbye) he is so in love with her and gets upset when she starts seeing Blaine. But by the end of the movie he can see it in her face at prom that she’s crazy about Blaine. Now all of these emotions that Duckie processes over the length of time in the movie happened to me in a 2 hour Bosstones set. I was a little dickhurt that I did all the heavy lifting on this (planning, driving, and such) and this Guy comes in and is canoodling with BB (actually she as doing the canoodling in retrospect). But as we left Boston and we’re driving back to my place she was really quiet. Partially because it was a long day and was tired, but I suspect also she was processing seeing him, and was texting him the whole way to my home.
So BB stayed at my place so that morning so I could take her to the airport so she can go south to see her friends on her vacation. I was going to pick her up the next week and take her home. So she got up and showered to get ready for her trip and I made us breakfast. Our conversation was still really good and we laughed and joked. I was very conflicted now the deluded part of my brain was saying there’s still a shot with her, while the higher brain was remembering her face in Boston. I put her on the plane and tried to work her out of my mind. But like I told my best friend that night when he asked about the trip “I know she really has it for this guy and I should just write her off but she is just so cool and we connect so well that I need her in my life, if not romantically then just to be a great friend.” So we messaged while she was away and all was good. So the other night I went to pick her up late at the airport and brought her to my place to stay the night and I’d drive her home in the morning. We sat up talking for a while about real things not just the fluff everyone else does. Then I was happy for her to be my friend, a really good friend. So we both go to our separate beds (she was in the RV in my yard) I woke up a 6am and saw there was a phone call and text from her telling me she was sad. I was worried about her so I knocked on the door and asked if she was OK. She said she was but was just sad for some reason that morning I asked I she wanted me to come in and hold her she said sure. We laid there in the bed holding each other for a while when it hit me like a ton of bricks that I just need to be near her I don’t need to be romantic or physical with her. That I Loved her in the purest sense of the word. Not the boyfriend/ girlfriend, man and wife way, but that she is a being that my soul has connected with and I will look out and care for her as long as she’ll have me in her life, which I hope will be a long time.
So now the search is still on for someone to be the peanut butter to my jelly but for now I know I’ll have BB in my corner helping me out with great tips like “DON’T TEXT FIRST!!!!” I know I’ve truly hit the Jackpot having BB in my life.
“There’s not a word yet for old friends who’ve just met”