I guess for a good part of my life I’ve been searching for something. But I could never put my finger on it. When I was younger it was the Love and acceptance of my parents and grandparents. Those were great times, simpler times, but that will probably be another story. In my young adult years I began searching for my tribe. You know those people who get your jokes, who get you, not just friends this is the elite of the elite of friends. That one or two that truly get you and care for you a great deal. The ones that you open up to about everything. The ones that know more about you than anyone in your family. I even started looking for God at this time. As an adult I was searching for someone to share my life with, start a family with that One that makes you feel special just being you. I found her, I had all of that and then I stopped searching. Cause that’s what you’re supposed to do right stop searching when you find HER. Little did I know that yes you stop searching for a mate, you got her, but that doesn’t mean you stop searching. It’s in our DNA we need to look for something to keep us interested and interesting to our mate. I stopped, got complacent, that’s when it all fell apart. The ONE asked me to leave her and my five kids after 18 years. She was done with me. So reluctantly I did and I acclimated to my new life working, seeing my kids when I can, existing. I wallowed in self pity and depression for a while (still rears its ugly head now and again). Then a funny thing happened I started searching again first it was to reconnect to my tribe. Some of which were always there just waiting for me, some I lost in the divorce (life happens). I even found new tribe mates through helping with my kids. Those other parents who get me and care, there are a couple. I even broke out of my anxiety and fear to reach out to someone I had never met before a few weeks ago. If you are reading this you have her to thank/blame (she will probably be the first if not the only one to read it) I hope she understands she is in my tribe and she likes it. She encourages me to be me. I even reconnected with God along the way. That has helped me immensely.
So I guess this is what they mean when they say “the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”. Well this is step one on this particular part of my journey. I’m still searching though!